#BadFeministFriday - Competing with other women
For #BadFeministFriday this week, I want to talk about competing with women. We aaaaalllllllll do it (or at least I hope and not hope we all do at the same timeđ). I think itâs the bad feminist moment that I feel most guilty about and Iâm actually embarrassed talking about it but yolo really here we are.
Thereâs so much encouragement now to lift each other up which I really do make a conscious effort to do but so many times my instinctive reaction is jealousy and begrudgery (which Iâve since learned is an exclusively Irish word - who knew?!). I donât know whether this is just my own insecurity or because women have been conditioned to compete with one another (mostly for men) for centuries or because Iâm Irishđ And whatâs really interesting is that I donât feel this same sense of jealousy with men - I think itâs because I subconsciously think theyâre just in a different league altogether so why bother? Donât worry, I hate me toođ
But itâs funny because Iâm obviously so aware of not competing with women in a negative way and being jealous so when anything happens Iâm just like âwooooo go you!!â while feeling like shit insideđ But Iâve realised that you can actually feel both jealousy and genuine happiness for someone at the same time. I think whatâs most important, with anything in life, is being aware of your instinctive feeling but not acting on it. Iâve learned to go easier on myself because we all have gut reactions and this doesnât make us horrible people but if I then go out of my way to tear down another woman based on that jealousy and insecurity then thatâs where itâs messed up. I just hope that with enough practice of not giving into that gut reaction and working on myself and my own insecurities then I can do better.
Whatâs also funny is that I actually donât end up actually competing at all - I get jealous, compare myself, think theyâre better than me, want them to succeed so then donât even botherđ But then I also think about why competition is seen as such a bad thing - I think women are capable of doing healthy competition. I find it funny that weâre almost encouraged to compete for boys/men but itâs then seen as bitchy/sneaky to compete professionally, for example, when it absolutely doesnât have to be.
Iâm basically just on a rant today and I want to show how complicated these things are and how if you find yourself comparing yourself to other women and begrudging them their successes a little, it doesnât mean youâre a shit feminist or âsisterâ. It means (or at least I hope it does) that youâre just human and a product of your surroundings and conditioning but it doesnât define who you are. And you can have those gut reactions but be conscious of doing better and celebrating women because the world is abundant and there is enough for all of us. What helps me is the fact that if I help another woman up, Iâm helping all women and Iâm helping myself too because if she gets in there then maybe I can and you can too. So yeah, hope Iâm not the only one and hope you all donât think Iâm a terrible person nowđ