#BadFeministFriday - Competing with other women

For #BadFeministFriday this week, I want to talk about competing with women. We aaaaalllllllll do it (or at least I hope and not hope we all do at the same time😂). I think it’s the bad feminist moment that I feel most guilty about and I’m actually embarrassed talking about it but yolo really here we are.

There’s so much encouragement now to lift each other up which I really do make a conscious effort to do but so many times my instinctive reaction is jealousy and begrudgery (which I’ve since learned is an exclusively Irish word - who knew?!). I don’t know whether this is just my own insecurity or because women have been conditioned to compete with one another (mostly for men) for centuries or because I’m Irish😂 And what’s really interesting is that I don’t feel this same sense of jealousy with men - I think it’s because I subconsciously think they’re just in a different league altogether so why bother? Don’t worry, I hate me too😂

But it’s funny because I’m obviously so aware of not competing with women in a negative way and being jealous so when anything happens I’m just like “wooooo go you!!” while feeling like shit inside😂 But I’ve realised that you can actually feel both jealousy and genuine happiness for someone at the same time. I think what’s most important, with anything in life, is being aware of your instinctive feeling but not acting on it. I’ve learned to go easier on myself because we all have gut reactions and this doesn’t make us horrible people but if I then go out of my way to tear down another woman based on that jealousy and insecurity then that’s where it’s messed up. I just hope that with enough practice of not giving into that gut reaction and working on myself and my own insecurities then I can do better.

What’s also funny is that I actually don’t end up actually competing at all - I get jealous, compare myself, think they’re better than me, want them to succeed so then don’t even bother😂 But then I also think about why competition is seen as such a bad thing - I think women are capable of doing healthy competition. I find it funny that we’re almost encouraged to compete for boys/men but it’s then seen as bitchy/sneaky to compete professionally, for example, when it absolutely doesn’t have to be.

I’m basically just on a rant today and I want to show how complicated these things are and how if you find yourself comparing yourself to other women and begrudging them their successes a little, it doesn’t mean you’re a shit feminist or “sister”. It means (or at least I hope it does) that you’re just human and a product of your surroundings and conditioning but it doesn’t define who you are. And you can have those gut reactions but be conscious of doing better and celebrating women because the world is abundant and there is enough for all of us. What helps me is the fact that if I help another woman up, I’m helping all women and I’m helping myself too because if she gets in there then maybe I can and you can too. So yeah, hope I’m not the only one and hope you all don’t think I’m a terrible person now😂